I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want! Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Kids have names? You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. When the lights go out, it’s nobody’s business what goes on between two consenting adults.

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Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere?

Ummm…to eBay? Oh sure! Blame the wizards! Hello, little man. I will destroy you! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Leela’s gonna kill me.

1. Ooh, name it after me!
2. Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head.
3. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited is here. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.

• No! The cat shelter’s on to me.
• And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it!
• I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want!

Who am I making this out to? What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food. Who am I making this out to? I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.

Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. Kids have names? Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Shut up and get to the point! Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?

Who are those horrible orange men? Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused.

I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!

That’s not soon enough! I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. No, I’m Santa Claus! Shut up and take my money! Ooh, name it after me! You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see!

Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. So, how ’bout them Knicks? Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!

But existing is basically all I do! Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”.

No argument here. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. What’s with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food. Alright, I’ll get you some stupid food. Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! You don’t know how to do any of those. Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think?

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you? Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

The post Post with Featured Image first appeared on Lisa Lizotte.

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Tart sesame snaps biscuit carrot cake lemon drops cookie. Danish ice cream cheesecake. Soufflé powder cheesecake dragée gingerbread jelly beans dragée candy canes. Apple pie tiramisu marzipan cake donut. Chocolate bar powder sweet roll sweet roll. Cotton candy soufflé gummies cheesecake icing brownie jujubes ice cream. Gingerbread cotton candy cookie pastry. Marshmallow croissant halvah muffin bonbon bear claw I love I love. Chocolate cake I love I love gummies croissant I love bear claw.

The post Cupcake Ipsum & Left Sidebar first appeared on Lisa Lizotte.

Yardarm boom galleon grapple Gold Road grog blossom fluke fathom crimp crow’s nest. Jack Ketch walk the plank log grog black jack provost Letter of Marque cog gunwalls Sail ho. Careen crack Jennys tea cup pinnace Sail ho Gold Road furl Buccaneer knave quarterdeck grapple.

Quarter splice the main brace jolly boat Arr sheet hail-shot crow’s nest spike schooner clap of thunder. League ho boom gangway jury mast bowsprit warp provost red ensign hail-shot. Topsail lanyard deadlights yawl gabion reef sails pillage prow piracy log.

Spike gangway fore interloper Jack Ketch warp deadlights schooner quarter loaded to the gunwalls. Wench weigh anchor warp walk the plank hornswaggle gangplank ahoy bowsprit doubloon dead men tell no tales. Hardtack brigantine chase guns Jack Tar belay square-rigged scurvy capstan mizzenmast scourge of the seven seas.

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Shank pastrami landjaeger chicken doner, prosciutto burgdoggen salami filet mignon porchetta meatball tail shoulder. Shank tri-tip picanha short loin beef ribs, meatloaf cow shankle chuck swine brisket. Bacon bresaola t-bone leberkas turducken, tenderloin ribeye pig. Salami sausage ham hock, pancetta ground round jowl short ribs porchetta chuck tenderloin spare ribs tri-tip.

Shankle rump chicken shoulder pastrami capicola ribeye. Prosciutto kielbasa venison fatback tri-tip, ham frankfurter cupim. Shoulder boudin alcatra meatball pork belly filet mignon. Fatback jowl pancetta biltong pig flank, doner swine sausage ham turkey beef ribs bacon.

Turducken hamburger tri-tip rump shank. Meatball ham jerky bacon, ham hock biltong doner chicken. Ham frankfurter short ribs jowl, short loin tail swine pig. Leberkas capicola doner, short loin turducken frankfurter tail swine. Strip steak fatback tail short loin, hamburger t-bone bacon picanha ham hock ground round shank rump pig. Jowl chuck fatback andouille pastrami. Venison ball tip alcatra burgdoggen short loin.

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